Today I have been “under the weather”, so to speak with some sort of cold. I was just getting over one, except that my vocal cords were not getting better. There’s a lot of smog in the air that has been making a lot of folks ill too, but that will change tomorrow with the storm system coming in.
I’ve also been having pretty significant hormonal fluctuations.
Because of not feeling well, I am feeling whiny. Occasionally I get this way. I feel sad and depressed because a lot of times I go out of my way to help make people feel better and then when I’m kind of down I’m on my own without the same attention (except for my wonderful husband who is the joy of my life).
Sometimes I feel like people are just tolerating me because they are in the same situation/group/event that I am and they are forced to be nice to me. It’s a weird feeling that I cannot explain exactly. It’s a very subtle behavior that I am sensitive to.
I sometimes get an overwhelming sense of having to cram everything in that I can because of the short amount of time that this earthly life is. That feeling isn’t negative, but adds to the other negative stuff sometimes.
Last year when my grandmother died no one said anything to me to help console me. It was sad but got over it. I celebrate and recognize birhtdays and anniversaries and other occasions and mine comes and goes quietly. I guess it’s o.k. for me to feel this way sometimes, but then I feel guilty. I have a perfect (or nearly so) life, a wonderful family, nice friends, and great co-workers. I hate it when I feel like something is missing, because it’s really not.
I’ll feel better in a couple of days and I won’t be in this “mood”. I’ll chalk it up to the virus and the old standby…..hormones.