My friend and activist colleague had a commentary piece published in Sunday’s Salt Lake Tribune called Fathering Daughters, about fathers cultivating the feminist movement. I identify strongly with this as my own father (as well as my mother!) encouraged me always to follow my goals, even when subtly hinting at the practicality, or lack thereof, of some of my decisions. My father always supported me in my efforts (and still does), my goals, and my dreams. Although it hit him hard to have me leave my hometown at age 36, he never judged me, never told me to “never come back”, and has recently told me he is proud of me for standing up for my principles.
Here are some excerpts from Eileen’s piece:
I’ve been looking at my own life, and asking other female activists about their role models, their influences and their insights on what shaped their self-assertion. I’ve been surprised by some of the answers.
I’ve talked to several women activists, executives and police officers who credit their ambition, their drive, their unshakable conviction in their self-determination in large part to their relationships with their fathers. Fathers who played chess with them, fathers who fished with them, fathers who argued with them, fathers who both cherished and tested them.
The most important thing fathers can do for their daughters is to expect everything of them that they might expect of sons. Teach them to stand tall, deliver a firm handshake, maintain eye contact, and sign their names with authority. Give them opportunities to compete, and stretch their expectations of themselves. Demand accountability; demand reasoned action. Allow them to make choices.
When poor outcomes result, discuss why, and what alternatives might have been pursued. Teach them your values, but also ask their opinions and listen to them. Disagree, debate and, if presented with a better argument, yield the field. Give them every reason to believe they are valued and valuable, and we will all reap the rewards.
Deanna Dee-Dee Taylor 